APRIL FOOLS’ DAY JOKE? NO.

Ngrrrrrrrrr…. Ngrrrrrrrrr…. Ngrrrrrrrrr. My phone rings. It’s 5.22 in the morning. I’m not used to receiving calls this early in the morning. I only get to receive calls like this once in a while. Like when bae wants to wish me success in my exams or when my friend, Dickson,  needs my help with his computer. He is analog but very intelligent. Or,  when my mum and dad want to say happy birthday to me or remind me to go to church. This morning it’s not bae calling. Neither is it Dickson nor mum and dad. It’s not even our class representative. It’s my ex.

“Hello, is this Patrick? ” a sharp female voice from the other side of the phone asked. ” Yes, I’m Patrick, ” I replied with a fainting voice. If you could be next  to me at that time, you could have noticed that I was nervous. Nervous about the whole thing. I mean, a phone call that very early in the morning and to make life more complex, a lady’s voice on the other side of the phone.” This is Sasha speaking. How have you been? ” She continued. I sucked in a shaky breath, feeling my throat constrict. Panic rose like bile in my body. I suddenly didn’t know how to speak. Or walk. I just sat on the edge of the bed blankly, staring up at the terror before me. My palms were clammy, and it was all I could do not to knot my fingers together. “Good. And you, how have you been?” I managed, the words rolling out of my mouth like tumbleweed. “I’ve been good.” She replied. Her clear voice pierced through my ears into my flesh. When did she wake up? Aren’t people supposed to be sleeping still? I wondered. I usually don’t wake up early. It’s my biggest strength. “Sorry for waking you up this early.” She continued. “I’m having my wedding ceremony tomorrow the 2nd of April. The ceremony will be at the Bahati Christian Church in Kitengela. I have been looking for your contacts since last month. I must say that you are really hard to find these days. You are invited.” tuuut. tuuut. tuuut. Call ended.

What? Invitation to a wedding ceremony? Tomorrow the 2nd of April? This can’t be true. I remembered. It was 1st of April. Fools’ Day. “This could be a prank.”  I said to myself. I had, the previous day, promised not to believe anyone on this day. Even when one told me I was handsome.  “… My wedding cerem…Bahati Christian Church… Invited…” I laid down on the bed with my eyes on the ceiling. It was really Sasha. That I believed. And the wedding thing was hard to believe. She sounded serious on the phone. Her voice was still the same. I wondered if anything about her had changed. It’s been four years since we last saw each other. The last time I saw her, her hair was a rich shade of mahogany. It flowed in waves to adorn her glowing,
porcelain-like skin. Her eyes, framed by long lashes, were a bright, emerald-green and seemed to brighten the world. A straight nose, full lips – she seemed the picture of perfection. Had she smiled, the
world would sigh with contentment. Had she laughed, the world would laugh with her. And had she wept, the whole world would want to comfort her. She was a masterpiece.

Memories about her continued to flow. We were young and happy together. We were in love. We were a clear example of a happy couple. The evening walks we had together. Our weekend afternoon  meetings at the river bank. Our late night phone calls. All these went into the bin. Why the hell did we break up? Fuck!! I couldn’t even be able to remember why we broke up. Crazy. We lost touch. I heard after two months that she got a scholarship to one of the universities in South Africa. I indulged myself to achieving my goals in life. She never crossed my mind. Perhaps it was because I was ever busy. Four years down the line and now she is back. Getting married. And she is giving me the news on a fools’ day. “I’m not going to be your fool today young lady.” That was the pride in me talking. We dated for three years and never did she play a prank on me even a single day. One reason to believe her. She was very serious with everything she said. Another reason to believe her. Who would joke about marriage to his or her ex when everyone wants to let their ex know they are doing well? There can never be any other reason stronger than that. I believed her.

Well, it happened that I was in Nairobi for a weekend. I have been to Kitengela and knew exactly where Bahati Christian Church was. 2nd April was on a Sunday and therefore I had no excuse for not attending the wedding. In the morning of the wedding day, I wanted to make a phone call to her to confirm if all she told me the previous day was true but my sixth sense told me not to. I prepared myself and left for the wedding. I decided to dress as simple as possible. I wore a pair of navy blue  khaki pants, short sleeves shirt and a pair of loafers. I was still not sure if the whole thing was a prank or not. I decided to go anyway. I had nothing to lose.

“SASHA AVILA WEDS TIMOTHY MUNGO. ” It wasn’t a prank. The banner at the Church’s gate said it all. She was really getting married. I was right on time. The ceremony was about to kick off. The compound was busy. People finding places to park their cars. Kids running up and down. Smiling faces all over. Some walking in pairs. Others in a group of three to five. Only a few were in casual wear. I was able to count them. They were three. The Dee Jay, the camera man and I. I walked into the church and found a place to sit. After a few minutes, a pretty girl came and sat next to me because the venue was almost full and the
sit next to me was one of the few ones available. After a few minutes of silence, she spoke, “Are you from around here? I’ve never seen you before” I swear she spoke like Lilian Muli, only that her voice had more soprano to it, making her sound more sexy. “No I am actually from Nakuru,” I answered with a smile “Nice. I love people from Nakuru, even though I have
never talked to one before. I am Grace. But you can call me Natasha. I like that more. I am a student at USIU. ” She was already giving out too much information but it was okay. Too much info
always means that a girl is interested in you. “I’m Patrick. Nice to meet you Natasha.”

Our conversation picked up pretty well from there even though it was difficult for me to be a good boy and keep my eyes off her cleavage
and thighs, She was such a hottie. I swear she must have noticed my maneuvering eyes. We talked for almost an hour before the service started. At the alter was the groom. Dressed in white. About 5’9” tall. His best man was a bit taller than him. The master of ceremony announced the arrival of the bride. Everything was beginning to become a reality to me. She wasn’t joking about this. She meant it. About four years ago, she described to me how she would want her wedding to be. The color. The decorations. The gown. The song to be played as she walked down the aisle. Everything was as she had described to me four years ago. This was her dream wedding. “Patrick. Patrick. Are you okay?”  Natasha brought me back to the present world. “Yes,  I’m fine.”  I smiled. She must have noticed that I was lost in my thoughts. Sasha was being accompanied by her mum and dad. She looked nervous. I could tell that. I looked at the bride up front and he was really happy. Well,  she made it to the man of his life and it was now time for other church activities before they exchanged vows.

Natasha pulled out her Samsung Galaxy S7, looked at something on the screen and then asked me what time it was. It was already 12.30pm and she couldn’t believe it. “My favorite segment is over and I’d like to leave now,”  she declared. She told me she enjoyed seeing the bride cover a distance less than one hundred and fifty in more than ten minutes. “I’m leaving too. I’m feeling a headache.” I lied. Natasha sympathized with me and suggested that we go to her place which was around five minutes walk. “My place is just around and I have pain killers at my place. Let me help you.” She said. Hehe jackpot….

Until next time. bye.

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