Photo by Nemichandra Hombannavar on Unsplash

Dear future wife,
I hope you are doing well. Wherever you are, I want to believe you are doing great. I want to believe you are enjoying every bit of your life. I really want to believe you are safe and sound and probably going through the same system of education as me. Actually, I won’t mind if your parents, my future in-laws, took you to an international school as long as the dowry price still stands at the two calves I’ve always seen my fellow tribesmen take to their in-laws. I’m very serious about this. Let the number not exceed three. I’m patiently waiting for you my love of life.

My dear future wife, I have always joked about my marrying age. Thirty-five. It’s not true. My mum would skin me alive for that. Being her only son, she would wish to see her grandchildren as soon as possible. I think that should tell you that time is not on our side. Start getting ready. But still, I’ll be waiting patiently for your arrival.

Sweetie, I know it’s not right to tell you my problems at this point but I have to tell you this. Well, yesterday morning was one of my worst days. I woke up late. I had to take a shower and prepare myself for school. By the way, I don’t do breakfast in the morning. Not that sikuwagi na appetite, apana, kupika ndio shida. Just when I was almost done with everything, I realized that I had not brushed my shoes. Shoe brush. I really searched for it. I turned almost everything upside down looking for it. Just when I was almost “improvising” (using tissue paper to shine my pair of shoes), I found it next to the tissue paper roll. I was already late. Baby I think if you were here, it would have not been a lot easier. I mean, two pairs of eyes instead of one would have helped. One of the reasons we should think of getting married ASAP.

Darling, I like using the social media platforms. Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp, name them. I want to believe that you are also the same as me when it comes to this. If you are not then it’s fine. It’s not an offense you know. But if you are like me, kindly note that I like to keep these three things about myself private:

  1. My love life.
  2. How and the much money I make.
  3. My next move in life.

So please, when we finally get to tie the knot, try to practice the same.
Currently, I feel bored scrolling down my Facebook news feed because it’s filled with the Betty Kyalo and Denis Okari divorce issue. It will be our marriage and not the world’s. Our issues will be our issues and not for everyone to know. Yes.

Finally, I know it’s every girl’s dream to have a colorful wedding. I really don’t have a problem with that. You will have it. And you will be the happiest woman in the whole world. Trust me on this. We will be an example of a real couple. Young couples, after 2 years of our marriage, couples will be coming to seek advice on matters marriage from us. 20 years of our marriage will be the sweetest. I can see us growing old together. I will still pull a chair for you when you will be 70. I will love you forever.

I have to stop now my love. Please take good care of yourself. And if there’s a jerk trying to make your life hard, tell him to go to hell. Tell him to go fuck himself.

I love you. Bye. And I hope that this letter reaches you in time.

Yours loving future husband.


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